89 & 88 days to go- hanging on

How the heck can you gain 7 lbs. in two days...I mean I know that I ate A LOT on Saturday and Sunday--- but 7 lbs. It just seems impossible. We'll see tomorrow how much of it was perhaps water weight.

Why is it that I feel this sense of entitlement for "free days"? Days in which I go completely off program and indulge in whatever strikes my fancy? I think part of it stems from avoiding the "I'm being denied- so I'll cheat" mentality that often strikes me when I'm "dieting."

This can't be a diet for me. I am an overweight person with a tendency to overeat and make poor choices with food. To get a handle on it, to not pass this behavior onto my children...I MUST take a stand with myself. Face me demons. Accept that I'm weak in some areas and need help.

Going to WW meetings helps me. I sit around with all of these other women who are struggling and yet reaching victories each week in their battle. I like to clap as they reach different milestones. I haven't reached on in a very long time...but I will again. at 174.8, I'll reach my 50 lb. mark AGAIN. But the again part doesn't matter....it's me at 50 lbs. lighter than my heaviest. That's an accomplishment.

And what if I don't lose this weight? Sometimes I wonder that. Will the wedding, marriage, relationship be a disaster? No. He loves me now; he loved me then; he'll love me in the future....with my extra pounds or not. That feels good to type and I have to keep reminding myself of this very real fact. My weightloss is associated with the wedding but the 40 lbs. taken off before this "100 day journey" were for my own reasons-- dissassociated with the impending nuptials.

I can do this! I will do this! It is for me. It is for my future. It is forgiving my past.

To bed with my 3 points over I go.

Today's food:
1/2 cup vanilla yogurt, 1 banana
2 (2pt) granola bars
3 (1 oz) servings of pretzels
2 slices of bread, 2 slices of low-fat cheese
salad with non-fat dressing
apple
sushi (Trader Joe's variety, 8 pts)
1 tbsp molasses (for my iron)
1 orange

That's 31 points, minus the 4 activity points = 27 points--- that's 3 points over. Combined with the 100's of points over for Saturday and Sunday--- I need to remain focused.

So, tomorrow's game plan--- going to eat lunch with grandparents at a nice restaurant. That means very few points in the morning, lots of exercise, and then a light light light dinner.

Staying strong.